The Mammoth Book of Best British Crime 7 Read online

  Maxim Jakubowski is a London-based novelist and editor. He was born in the UK and educated in France. Following a career in book publishing, he opened the world-famous Murder One bookshop in London. He now writes full-time. He has edited a series of fifteen bestselling erotic anthologies and two books of erotic photography, as well as many acclaimed crime collections. His novels include It’s You That I Want To Kiss, Because She Thought She Loved Me and On Tenderness Express, all three collected and reprinted in the USA as Skin In Darkness. Other books include Life In The World of Women, The State of Montana, Kiss Me Sadly and Confessions Of A Romantic Pornographer. In 2006 he published American Casanova, a major erotic novel which he edited and on which fifteen of the top erotic writers in the world have collaborated, and his collected erotic short stories as Fools For Lust. His latest novel is I Was Waiting for You. He compiles two annual acclaimed series for the Mammoth list: Best New Erotica and Best British Crime. He is a winner of the Anthony and the Karel Awards, a frequent TV and radio broadcaster, a past crime columnist for the Guardian newspaper, Literary Director of London’s Crime Scene Festival and now edits the MaXcrime imprint.

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  Constable & Robinson Ltd

  3 The Lanchesters

  162 Fulham Palace Road

  London W6 9ER

  www.constablerobinson.com

  First published in the UK by Robinson,

  an imprint of Constable & Robinson, 2010

  Copyright © Maxim Jakubowski, 2010 (unless otherwise indicated)

  The right of Maxim Jakubowski to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  A copy of the British Library Cataloguing in Publication

  Data is available from the British Library

  UK ISBN 978-1-84901-197-6

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  First published in the United States in 2010

  by Running Press Book Publishers

  All rights reserved under the Pan-American and

  International Copyright Conventions

  This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written permission from the publisher.

  9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Digit on the right indicates the number of this printing

  US Library of Congress number: 2009929935

  US ISBN 978-0-7624-3846-4

  Running Press Book Publishers

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  Printed and bound in the EU

  CONTENTS

  Acknowledgments

  INTRODUCTION

  Maxim Jakubowski

  MR E. MORSE, BA OXON (FAILED)

  Colin Dexter

  GHOSTS

  John Harvey

  THE BLOOD PEARL

  Barry Maitland

  THE COMMON ENEMY

  Natasha Cooper

  BLOODSPORT

  Tom Cain

  THE RAT IN THE ATTIC

  Brian McGilloway

  ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY

  Tony Black

  HOGMANAY HOMICIDE

  Edward Marston

  FRUITS

  Steve Mosby

  A PLACE FOR VIOLENCE

  Kevin Wignall

  FOUR HUNDRED RABBITS

  Simon Levack

  HISTORY!

  Toby Litt

  THE MASQUERADE

  Sarah Rayne

  TAKE DEATH EASY

  Peter Turnbull

  THE PARSON AND THE HIGHWAYMAN

  Judith Cutler

  SPECIAL DELIVERY

  Adrian Magson

  A BLOW ON THE HEAD

  Peter Lovesey

  CHICAGO

  Jon Courtenay Grimwood

  THE HOUSE THAT GOT SHOT

  Barbara Nadel

  THE OCTOPUS NEST

  Sophie Hannah

  WALKING THE DOG />
  Peter Robinson

  THE VELOCITY OF BLAME

  Christopher Fowler

  SOMEONE TAKE THESE DREAMS AWAY

  Marc Werner

  ANIMAL INTELLIGENCE

  Alexander McCall Smith

  12 BOLINBROKE AVENUE

  Peter James

  APPETITE FOR MURDER

  Simon R. Green

  THE OTHER HALF

  Mick Herron

  SWORD LILIES

  Sally Spedding

  LOVE HURTS

  Bill Kirton

  FUNERAL WEATHER

  Kate Ellis

  A YEAR TO REMEMBER

  Robert Barnard

  TIME OF THE GREEN

  Ken Bruen

  VIVISECTION

  Bernie Crosthwaite

  STAR’S JAR

  Kate Horsley

  THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A VICTIMLESS CRIME

  Paul Johnston

  AND HERE’S THE NEXT CLUE . . .

  Amy Myers

  FRECKLES

  Allan Guthrie

  HAPPY HOLIDAYS

  Val McDermid

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  “MR E. MORSE, BA OXON (FAILED)” by Colin Dexter © 2008. First appeared in the Daily Mail as “THE MYSTERY OF THE DRUNKEN DRIVER”. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “GHOSTS” by John Harvey © 2008. First appeared in Il Giornale (Italy). Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE BLOOD PEARL” by Barry Maitland © 2008. First appeared in the Newcastle Herald (Australia). Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE COMMON ENEMY” by Natasha Cooper © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Gregory & Co.

  “BLOODSPORT” by Tom Cain © 2009. First appeared online at THE RAP SHEET. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE RAT IN THE ATTIC” by Brian McGilloway © 2008. First appeared in the Sunday Express. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY” by Tony Black © 2008. First appeared online at PLOTS WITH GUNS. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “HOGMANAY HOMICIDE” by Edward Marston © 2008. First appeared as a chapbook published by Crippen & Landru. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “FRUITS” by Steve Mosby © 2008. First appeared online at SPINETINGLER MAGAZINE. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “A PLACE FOR VIOLENCE” by Kevin Wignall © 2008. First appeared online at STORYGLOSSIA. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “FOUR HUNDRED RABBITS” by Simon Levack © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Gregory & Co.

  “HISTORY!” by Toby Litt © 2008. First appeared in ’68. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE MASQUERADE” by Sarah Rayne © 2008. First appeared in Crime Scenes. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “TAKE DEATH EASY” by Peter Turnbull © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE PARSON AND THE HIGHWAYMAN” by Judith Cutler © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “SPECIAL DELIVERY” by Adrian Magson © 2008. First appeared in Crime Scenes. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “A BLOW ON THE HEAD” by Peter Lovesey © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “CHICAGO” by Jon Courtenay Grimwood © 2008. First appeared in Sideways in Crime. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE HOUSE THAT GOT SHOT” by Barbara Nadel © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE OCTOPUS NEST” by Sophie Hannah © 2009. First appeared in Criminal Tendencies. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “WALKING THE DOG” by Peter Robinson © 2008. First appeared in Toronto Noir. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE VELOCITY OF BLAME” by Christopher Fowler © 2008. First appeared in The 2nd Humdrum Book of Horror Stories. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “SOMEONE TAKE THESE DREAMS AWAY” by Marc Werner © 2008. First appeared in ’68. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “ANIMAL INTELLIGENCE” by Alexander McCall Smith © 2008. First appeared in The Strand Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author’s agent David Higham Associates Limited.

  “12 BOLINBROKE AVENUE” by Peter James © 2008. First appeared in Women’s Day. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Blake Friedmann.

  “APPETITE FOR MURDER” by Simon R. Green © 2008. First appeared in Unusual Suspects. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THE OTHER HALF” by Mick Herron © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “SWORD LILIES” by Sally Spedding © 2008. First appeared in Bluechrome Publishing. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “LOVE HURTS” by Bill Kirton © 2008. First appeared online at SHORTBREADSTORIES.COM. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “FUNERAL WEATHER” by Kate Ellis © 2008. First appeared in M.O. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “A YEAR TO REMEMBER” by Robert Barnard © 2008. First appeared in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Gregory & Co.

  “TIME OF THE GREEN” by Ken Bruen © 2008. First appeared in Killer Year. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “VIVISECTION” by Bernie Crosthwaite © 2008. First appeared in M.O. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “STAR’S JAR” by Kate Horsley © 2008. First appeared online at STORYGLOSSIA. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A VICTIMLESS CRIME” by Paul Johnston © 2009. Written for Victim Support Scotland. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Broo Doherty.

  “AND HERE’S THE NEXT CLUE . . .” by Amy Myers © 2008. First appeared in M.O. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “FRECKLES” by Allan Guthrie © 2008. First appeared online at SPINETINGLER MAGAZINE. Reprinted by permission of the author.

  “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” by Val McDermid © 2008. First appeared in the Daily Mail. Reprinted by permission of the author and the author’s agent Gregory & Co.

  INTRODUCTION

  Another fruitful year has passed by in the world of British crime and mystery fiction, which has witnessed the end of Ian Rankin’s wildly popular Inspector Rebus Edinburgh-set series, as well as the Crime Writers’ Association annual Dagger awards’ achievement of a major new sponsor and television exposure, which should provide the genre with much increased visibility.

  But, in the world of crime, you never say never, as the return of Sherlock Holmes from his fall at the Reichenbach Falls once ably demonstrated, and I’m most proud, in this seventh volume of our own series, to lead off with a brand new Inspector Morse story by Colin Dexter, years after the demise of the legendary Oxford cop. In addition, Val McDermid closes the book with a new tale featuring her main character Dr Tony Hill. And a genuine pleasure it is to be able to feature these much-loved characters.

  A sterling year, then.

  The health, vigour and imagination of the field in the UK continues to amaze me, and after poring through magazines, anthologies, newspapers, the internet and beyond, I have again been confronted by an embarrassment of fictional choices for this selection. Many writers make a welcome return but I am also pleased to greet the arrival of those authors who have not graced our pages before. They include established writers whose reputation needs no introduction: Sophie Hannah, Peter James, Tom Cain, Paul Johnston, Barbara Nadel, Barry Maitland and, from the fantasy field, the estimable Simon R. Green – accompanied on this occasion by another talented genre transfuge who makes a second appearance in the series, Jon Courtenay Grimwood
– with also still relatively unknown newcomers such as Bernie Crosthwaite, Marc Werner, Kate Horsley and Tony Black.

  Alongside them are many recidivists, British writers who make it a wonderful habit to contribute to our cornucopia of outstanding crime and mystery stories on a fairly regular basis and are most definitely worthy of being listed amongst the best: (in no particular order) John Harvey, Christopher Fowler, Ken Bruen, Alexander McCall Smith, Peter Robinson, Peter Lovesey, Amy Myers, Adrian Magson, Kate Ellis, Peter Turnbull, Simon Levack, Natasha Cooper, Robert Barnard, Judith Cutler, Edward Marston, Brian McGilloway, Allan Guthrie, Sally Spedding and Kevin Wignall. In addition, we also are pleased to offer a spot to established authors who’ve never before climbed aboard our ongoing project, such as Bill Kirton, Steve Mosby, Sarah Rayne and Mick Herron. A powerful line-up, I think you will agree, and none disappoint.

  Ingenious plots, mysteries, thrills, puzzles, memorable characters, much food for thought and brilliant storytelling in both cosy and hardboiled moods – as ever, the crime and mystery short story has it all.

  It’s been another delightfully criminal year to remember.

  Maxim Jakubowski

  MR E. MORSE, BA OXON (FAILED)

  Colin Dexter

  In summer 2008 I returned to the UK after teaching for many years in the USA, having now been appointed Ancient History tutor at Lonsdale College, Oxford. Only then did I learn, with sadness, of the death, several years earlier, of the man with whom in 1968 I had spent one year in undergraduate digs in North Oxford – a man who remains a legend in the Thames Valley Police Force: Chief Inspector E. Morse. The Bursar of Lonsdale had decided to collect, in book form, a series of articles and anecdotes about the great man, and he invited me to contribute my own chief memory of him. For obvious reasons, I have changed the names of those principally concerned (except for myself and Morse) together with the house and the road of which I shall write. My memory of the incident that occurred there is still very vivid, and I have tried, for example, to recapture the spirit of the original dialogue by frequent use of direct quotation marks, although such a practice can only afford approximate, not verbatim, records of the conversations reported.

  WE HAD FIRST met, both aged eighteen, in November 1967 when sitting the Oxford Entrance examinations. Physically Morse was of medium height, with a palish, slightly dolichocephalic face, and full light-brown hair, with the merest hint of ginger. Mentally, as I realized from the beginning, he had an extraordinarily gifted and subtle brain. We spoke together after leaving a three-hour English essay stint in the examination room. The paper we had tackled had given us all a wide range of topics, arranged in vaguely alphabetical order: Assyrian Archaeology; Buddhist Beliefs; County Boundaries and so on.